The Love of Money
}} Haley plans to rescue her father. Cast * Elan ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * A Crowd of Spectators Transcript Elan: Haley! Wait! My dad is the other way! Haley: We're not going to see your father. Elan: We're not? Haley: Your father is an unrepentant murderer, and I promise I will make him pay for what he did to those poor men in the mountains. Haley: Unfortunately, he's a long-term problem, and we only have time for short-term solutions. Haley: Even if we fought and killed him today, Malack would just raise him from the dead the moment we left. Haley: If we beat both of them, then their mystery allies would come around and find a way to bring them back. Haley: Knocking him down without a way of keeping him down just leaves us with yet another villain chasing our collective asses. Elan: OK, I guess... but... then where are we going? Haley: To go enact one of those short-term solutions I just mentioned. Haley: We're going to get my father. Elan: Really?? That's awesome! Elan: But wait... didn't Roy say no jailbreaks? Haley: Yeah, well, if I was Tarquin, I'd probably invent some excuse about how Roy only specified no jailbreaks for him—but screw that, I'm just flat-out ignoring Roy right now. Elan: Oh, OK. And hey, at least this way, you won't have to give over 200,000 gp to get your dad! Haley: Actually... I was never planning on paying. I was gonna use the old "three-fingered discount", if you know what I mean. Elan: Then... why go through the trouble of getting all that money? Haley: Hey, just because I wasn't considering letting them keep it doesn't mean it wasn't part of my plan. Haley: I figured we'd have a classic hostage exchange—I give them the cash, and they give me my father. Haley: Then later, Dad and I sneak in and steal all the money back. Plus a little extra to cover our emotional distress, of course. Haley: And lost wages, naturally. I mean, Looter's Comp doesn't cover that sort of thing. A sign reads, "Directly to JAIL". Elan: Well, at least this way, it's less dangerous and we'll still have all that money. Haley: ... Elan: I mean "you"! You will have all that money. Not "we". Haley: No, Elan, it's fine. It can be ours. I wouldn't want to let a big pile of money get between our love. Elan: Really? 'Cause earlier you said you wanted to try pouring it all on the floor and then getting— Haley: That would be beneath our love, honey. Not between it. Haley: Though if we get to keep all the gold, then I guess that fantasy is still on the table. Elan: On the table, too? Can't we just stick with beds? Trivia * The title is a reference to the quote "The love of money is the root of all evil" from the First Epistle to Timothy in the Bible. * Miron Shewdanker sent Haley a ransom note for her father demanding 200,000 gp for his release in #131. * "Five-fingered discount" is slang for shoplifting; Haley changes it to "three" because she is drawn with only three fingers. * "Looter's Comp" is a parody of worker's compensation insurance. Presumably it is provided by the Greysky City Thieves' Guild. * The sign in panel 9 is a reference to the card in the board game Monopoly that says "Go directly to Jail." External Links * 765}} View the comic * 180313}} View the discussion thread Category:Haley Finds her Father